Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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