Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
