Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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