apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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