Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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