he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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