remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
