that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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