PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
