I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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