mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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