i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
