Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This is my gift to your gina
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize