The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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