the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
