Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
