who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
