So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
wat bout pragnant strippers??
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
