i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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