covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
