So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
