I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
