Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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