I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
