Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
