there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize