He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
