like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
