U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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