So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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