my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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