Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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