im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
