You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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