So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize