Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize