I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
