First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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