imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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