I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
