I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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