I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
