I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
