New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Operation Purity has been aborted
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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