She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize