K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
