I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
false alarm, still single
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
