rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
