WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
