So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
