remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
