did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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