I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
