its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
