im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
