and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
