you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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