Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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