batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
This is the high leading the old right now
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
