I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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