When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
