ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
