I just cut my nipple shaving
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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