I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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