i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
