Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
