I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
