found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
