It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
