I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
