I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
