i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just found puke in my bra..
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
