you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
