It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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