I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
