Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize