I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Screwed.edu
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
