shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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