I cannot find my penis.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
