My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
