Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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