it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
