4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
