12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
