I think i sorta joined a cult last night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
