i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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