Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
