this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
