Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
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