I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
