I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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