I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My bed smells like the plague
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
