You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
