A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
