Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
