yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he shaved USA in his pubs
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
