Me too!
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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