Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
