You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
