hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
