I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well I just put wine in my tea
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
