my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
