I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
