About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
