Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
