I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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