You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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