we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
