The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
