ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
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