who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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