I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
