At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
