So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
