I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
