I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
