2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
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