Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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